Whats New

Yes, I realize its been a long time. I hear if from my sister almost daily.

So in a short version of the last couple months, here is what we have been up to:

Had my mom and my sister come to visit in January.

Luke got a bike for Christmas and still doesnt know how to ride it.

The weather here is ridiculous. Snows one day and sunny and warm the next. Hail the next and then sunny again. I just dont get it.

Kylee got a new bike for her birthday. We hope she takes better care of it then the last one.

I got an iPhone 4s FINALLY. Rhett is against apple products so he wasnt too excited.

We have the best ward in the world! Love my friends and Ward family so much.

Rhett and I signed up for the Seattle Rock and Roll Marathon (Rhett) and Half Marathon (me) in June. Excited but nervous.

Here are pictures (in random order) from my new iPhone's Instagram (OBSESSED!)

Next!

What is this?! Its 10:30PM and I am eating gluten free spaghetti with my homemade spaghetti sauce. I am really happy. Its raining outside with high winds and I am watching an old episode of Oprah when she had the author of "Eat, Pray, Love" on. I have seen this episode before, yet something stuck a chord with me this time.

At the end of the episode Elizabeth (the author of the book) talks about 3 things you can do to make your life richer and to make you more happy. "Ask yourself in the morning: 'what do I really, really, really, really want?!'" She later said "Whats your mantra? What do you tell yourself a lot? If you tell yourself you are an idiot over and over again, then you will absolutely be it. Change your mantra." Then she asks "what makes you happy?"

Above my desk, which I am writing from now, is a white bulletin board that I write what I am doing each week and things to not forget, quotes, etc. I have two things from the Oprah show that I have on my board: "Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could be changed" and "change your mantra."

So what makes me happy? Eating spaghetti at 10:30 at night and not worrying about my weight, just the way it tastes and the way I feel eating it. The sauce reminds me of my grandmothers homemade sauce I grew up with. It reminds me of my sister who taught me how to make it. These things make me happy.

Other things that make me happy?
Music, especially the kind you can dance to
Hugs from my kids
Really great movies (The Color Purple or Slumdog Millionaire)
Beautiful art
Writing... even though I have the worst grammar and spelling! I have always enjoyed writing.
Playing games with friends
The Sun hitting my face as I close my eyes
Going to the Temple

Its funny how you could have had the worst day, and it changes at 10:30 at night.

I almost forgot! Elizabeth said to keep a journal of the best part of each day. Today, eating my spaghetti was definitely it!

Confession

I may regret this a bit, however, I feel like it needs to be said... somewhere.

I'm pretty open about the fact that I have struggled with depression my whole life. Living in Washington can be hard at time. Today, okay truthfully this whole last month, has been extremely difficult. Holidays just aren't the same without your family. I miss my silly sister who always makes me laugh. I miss my little brother. My dads giant hugs and feeling secure under his arm. I miss the sweetness of my step-mom, Dovey. I miss laughing and playing games with my mom. I miss traditions with my family. The weather has been so great, so I haven't had much more to be upset about. The last couple days have been gloomy and I have been so depressed. Like, to the point of not wanting to get out of bed.

Sometimes depression can take you over like a cold. You cant shake it no matter how hard you try. I like to think of myself as being very optimistic. I always try and find the positive in a situation, but this week I have wanted to pull the cover over my head and not deal with anything or anyone. The one thing I want is to hold Luke and love him, and he's been so active and hasn't wanted me to hold him. The happiest I have been was Christmas morning seeing my kids faces when they open their gifts.

I am praying for a miracle. I am hoping something can shake me out of this. There are days I wish I could go to a mental hospital and just stay there until I feel better. And I realize I have so much to be grateful for, but I feel so blind, like I cant see anything in front of me.

Christmas Morning

Christmas 2011 was wonderful. Everyone was/is happy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0I9Sb7O6eQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLrdQzpblGU

Luke's Christmas Program

Luke just had his first Christmas Program at school. He was a raccoon (which is ironic because he hates raccoon and has bad dreams about them). He sang songs so well and even signed them!!! This came as a surprise to us since he told us that eh didnt know what he was doing.

He is in a grey and red striped shirt on the left hand side, right above teacher Kodi on the floor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEcKDg8U89E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUV1YxnK12Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVTeOBy8Tn4

And here is Luke drumming. He LOVES drumming and playing guitar! He does this hilarious head shake move that he must have picked up from some music videos of something because Rhett and I never taught that to him!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ns_8EzJZCGo

November Roundup

I realized as I was posting tonight that I started to post about Disneyland and California but never actually posted it. I will get around to it. I promise!
Okay, so that being said here are some photos from Thanksgiving and our trip to the Everett Science Center (I think that's the name of it, but I don't remember).

Bowby is not a snuggly dog, except with Rhett. He loves his master.

We all love baby J so much!

Look at those gorgeous baby blues!

Rhett being silly. Whats new!?

Cheeeeeeese!